Disney’s Fort Wilderness is a funny place. With more than 800 campsites and a tremendous range of price points, its appeal extends across a broader range of people than most campgrounds do. Amenities and cleanliness of the highest caliber result in its attracting those who might not normally be regular campers, and high-adventure backpackers likely don’t view it as a true camping experience. Like many other campgrounds, it celebrates great outdoors, animals, cookouts, and even the American West. But this is the only campground in America that has Disney theming, and fortunately, it is not overdone and has not been compromised (Chip and Dale are the only cartoon characters to be found).
If there were a princess attached to Fort Wilderness at all, it would have to be Snow White. At least of the original Disney princesses, she was the one who found her strength in the woods, talking, whistling and singing to the animals along the way as part of her survival strategy. What do you do when things are bad? Oh you, sing a song? It’s no accident that a small cabin in the woods brought her more peace than did her home in the castle, and is metaphorically appropriate for our own escapes to Fort Wilderness. Of course, Snow White met seven new working-class friends, each with his own distinct personality and eccentricities. The people you’ll find in Fort Wilderness are just as interesting. Here are seven of many you can expect to find. I’ve named these friends after loops at Fort Wilderness.
Leave It to Big Bear
He’s the 6’3” RV happy god who knows everything about your travel trailer, and is kind enough to share his knowledge. You’re delighted to see him when you first pull into site 1210, because he is standing there ready to help you back in. The first red flag appears when he starts warning you about your brand new radial tires and how they are going to kill you, and you notice you are kind of glad when he leaves. But then he’s back 10 minutes later with his toolbox to help you adjust your screen door so that it doesn’t make sounds when it closes. At dinner, he brings over his new as-seen-on-tv oven mitt when you are getting ready to fire up the grill. Oh, and by the way, didn’t you know you don’t put salt on steaks before you grill them?
Tumbleweed Tina
Just two doors down from the Bear is Tina. Tina and her husband have a full bar set up under their awning. Around 11 am, she comes over to introduce herself and offers you a drink. We’re just getting a head start on our Drink Around Epcot tonight. Being the mannerly princess that you are, you oblige. She spends the next hour singing “I Will Survive,” explaining how her singing got her to fourth place in the Miss Cleburne County pageant 21 years ago. Later on, her knee is bleeding after she takes a tumble on the gritty asphalt. You bring out the Neosporin, but Big Bear rushes over explaining that Polysporin is much better. The next day she comes over, solo cup in hand, and introduces herself.
Wagon Wheel Waylon and Wilma
If you’ve been to the Fort more than once, you’ve probably already seen this long-retired couple. That’s because it seems like they have been here since 1971, and they were older than 75 years old way back then. They remember pioneering America on the Oregon Trail, and it’s possible that they are not even real. I say this because I believe they may be angels who watch over the rest of us characters at the Fort. As Grumpy as they may appear at first glance, their hearts are as golden as the morning sun. Count yourself as lucky if you meet them. Revere them, listen to them, and learn from them.
Hickory Holly and Whispering Jim
Holly is the perfect PTA mom with three kids, one on the way, and a stack of cute printed organizers with every hour planned out, including organic snacks free of all allergens. Jim says very little because he doesn’t want to be camping at all, let alone at Disney World. You may see him sitting in the rockers at Trail’s End, begrudgingly holding her Versace purse. Meanwhile, she complains to the CM that they have been waiting 10 minutes for a table, and that her schedule should be respected. Oh well, her ponytail is super cute.
Palmetto Phi Phil
Phil is with a dozen or so pledge brothers usually located in a group of tents on Loop 1500, or their daddy’s Tiffin on Loop 500 (if they are from U of Alabama). The fraternity will come in handy if you need help carrying firewood or help looking for Tumbleweed Tina. When they are not serving their higher purpose of community service, they’ll be a celebrating their paths to becoming future leaders of America. Although their campsite will be littered with more than 30 cases of empty beer cans, you’ll enjoy sounds and music similar to a SEC Football Championship game until about 1 in the morning. Try to love them anyway.
Jackrabbit Jasmine
Named after a Disney princess at birth, Jackrabbit Jasmine is in a real big hurry because she has 2000 pictures and 3 hours of video to take today. She’s the one with the custom Mickey shirt and glittery mouse ears who hops in the middle of the line at Trail’s End to get a closeup selfie with the cheese grits. If you can’t catch up to her, you’ll find her on Instagram and YouTube.
Cottontail CAMELLIA
Camellia is usually seen eating alone because the family that she brought with her consists solely of three dogs and two cats. She tends to prefer animal-people over people-people, and who can really blame her? Although she is likely introverted, she is probably the one to ask for directions as she has walked every inch of the Fort.
It’s better to have a world of interesting, flawed people than it is to have one of dull, self-righteous homogeneous ones. I think that Fort Wilderness may attract a greater proportion of these, and we haven’t even talked about Little Bear Ben, Moccasin Mary, or Cinnamon Spice Cindy. Perhaps, in Fort Wilderness, there’s no need to spend money on a character meal. It’s already there.
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