Forget about the roses and chocolate and an 80s-style 6-course dinner reservation. There’s no faster way to make the years slip away than by repeating the same old tired script. If you want to really sweep that beautifulest lady off her feet or just bring back that lovin’ feeling, here’s three itineraries for Fort Wilderness campers that even Cupid will envy.

LA DOLCE VITA ON The seven seas lagoon

Fool don’t you see that I could have poisoned you a hundred times if I’d been able to live without you. ~ Cleopatra

For the Cleopatra in your life, this one is full of self-indulgence and sensual excess. Start by heading over to the Grand Floridian (via boat and monorail or Minnie Van) and get a couples massage at the Senses Spa. This is a bit pricier than your average urban spa, but is truly an extraordinary experience. Head back for a lazy afternoon nap, followed by a Charcuterie Tray of fruit, cheese, and champagne that you’ve carefully prepared. (You’ve already ordered or purchased these items because you’ve planned ahead).

Next, take her by golf cart (that you’ve decorated with a least a few flowers) to the Wilderness Swimmin’ Hole (quiet pool) for some cool floating time. This may seriously be one my happiest places.

For dinner, order an exotic meal of Indian food (Samosa Chaat from Royal India) or the Love Boat for two (Oishi Japanese) through seamless.com. It’ll be delivered to the Fort Outpost. You can enjoy it beachside as the sun goes down on Bay Lake.

Being the big spender you are, you’ve ordered a one-hour cruise on the Grand Yacht I ($399 per hour) to watch the Fireworks. After it’s over, you can have it drop you off at the Contemporary for a night-cap at The Wave. Warning – if you’re not a millennial, do not be daunted by your advancing years.

look for the bare necessities

Every time you kiss me, it’s like sunshine and whiskey. ~ George Strait

This itinerary is for your real woods-loving, rock me like a wagon wheel, ain’t scared of nothing, lady explorer. We’ll start with a hearty breakfast buffet at Trail’s End with some Mickey Waffles, bacon, biscuits, and sausage gravy.

After we take a long canoe ride and maybe a little fishin’ on the banks, this is where it stops feeling like an ordinary day.

We’re gonna save horseback riding for tomorrow because it’s time to take a ride in the pickup truck.  Of course, you’ve left a real cowboy love letter in her seat.

You’re not telling her where we going, but you’re headed just a little south to the Osceola County Pet Shelter. You’ll not be able to leave without a new dog or kitty who has been looking for love in all the wrong places. Since Fort Wilderness allows pets, you can keep it with you in your cabin or camper. For an extended day out, consider boarding at Best Friends Pet Hotel, very close to Fort Wilderness.

These kittens are looking for a forever home. Come out for this weekend’s Summer Adoption and Pet Preparedness Event at Osceola county animal services main office in Saint Cloud #positivelyosceola💚 #foreverhome #furryfriends #adoption #pets https://t.co/APmGBCeKuv pic.twitter.com/r4YOx6cZAf

— Positively Osceola (@positiveosceola) June 22, 2019

Wrap up the day with the obligatory campfire show, or just hang out with your new best friend around your fire pit with a nice bottle of Kentucky Bourbon and a guitar. Bonus points for singing Wonderful World and dancing with her like Harrison Ford did in the movie Witness.

there’s no business like show business

What the world needs now, is love, sweet love. ~ Burt Bacharach

It’s in these times that we need to be less afraid to show our love than ever before. With a divisive nation called upon daily to loathe one another and continual reminders of our mortality, maybe it’s time to bring love back in style.

So let’s go over the top. If you’re the more refined one, let this be the day that you play the fool.

Show it, baby.

Start early in the morning by chalking up your site with hearts and words professing your love. Hey, this would make for a pretty cool proposal, right?

Next, you’re going to wear that retro airbrushed t-shirt that you pre-ordered that has a cheesy sunset and says “John loves Susan” (use your own name, of course).

For lunch, you’ll walk to the Settlement Trading Post, hand-in-hand, for a game of checkers. Every time she makes a good move, you’ll say (loud enough that shoppers will hear you) things like “Oh, sweetheart that was a great move,” or “Damn, you’re beautiful!” or “I really, really am madly in love with you.”

After she wins, take her into the Trading Post and buy her absolutely anything she wants.

For lunch, you can just get the to-go chicken from P&J’s Takeout, and then head to Crockett’s Taven for a drink. So here’s where it gets tricky. You’re going to tell her that you have a surprise and will be back in 30 minutes. Leave her to chat with the friendly bartenders with an extra drink.

Now, this is assuming that you are camping in an RV or a camper. You’re going to quickly set up a beautiful small tent with a luxurious bed, tons of flowers, and a big sign outside of your RV that says Love Shack. Hang some hearts and romantic lights all around as well. And expect to get a bit of attention from loopers, but that’s all good. What could possibly go wrong?

After you go back to Crockett’s Tavern and head back to your campsite, be sure to take lots of selfies with her in front of your Love Shack and post them on your Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. Tell the whole world for once how you feel.

After your public nap, I think it’s time to really get rowdy with drinks around the monorail loop. You can do this with appetizers and drinks (my preference – see our fun!) or delightful desserts. Remember, to keep wearing your love shirt and take a ridiculous amount of selfies.

Of these three love plans, I’m not sure which one is my favorite. I could do them all, or any various mix and match combos. But yes, I left off that Geyser Point out of any of the itineraries. That’s really one of the most romantic and relaxing places in all of Walt Disney World, so be sure to fortify your relationship by including it somewhere as a prelude or footnote.

Hey darlin’ – I’m just glad I could help you out here.

Related: Backwoods of Fort Wilderness: Here are 9 of the Most Secluded Campsites of WDW