Surviving a Disney Vacation with an Introvert

Disney World is an extrovert’s paradise. Every day, the Magic Kingdom alone hosts an average of more than 50,000 guests, making it the most-visited park in the world (disneyorlandandbyond.co.uk, 2017) Extroverts are fed a never-ending buffet of stimulation in the form of rides, parades, and fireworks. For the introvert, however, the constant togetherness, technicolor desserts, and blinding noise quickly lead to sensory overload. And this turns the kind princess into a surly and vile fault-finder. Can you not put your glass down on the table without it making a sound? Why do you have to provide a narrative on every turn of the PeopleMover?

You are like nearly 50 percent of the population in that you are slightly outnumbered by introverts – but probably not in the Magic Kingdom. Extroverts don’t understand why their friend/loved one does not want to engage in small talk with everyone in the Pirates of Caribbean line. They are perplexed why someone would want to sit near the back of Carousel of Progress instead of front and center. Most sadly, they are genuinely hurt when they realize that their introverted friend has not listened to even three of their 287,463 words on the 12-minute monorail ride.

Before your hour, day or vacation is ruined, here are some secrets and tips to help you enjoy a mutually beneficial experience without feeling like you are a maligned parasite.

We still truly adore you and your energy.

It’s how we became friends or lovers in the first place. You are everything we are not. We are still amazed at the way you charm everybody from the Fort Wilderness bus driver to the normally-abusive bartender at Trader Sam’s. So stop sulking, and bask in your glory.

Go on without me.

You’ve just made some new friends over on Fort Wilderness’ Loop 1400 who have invited us to a Super Bowl party. First of all, thank you for not bringing them to our place. You already know that “I want to go where the people aren’t,” so have some grace, and don’t cry when I decline. And don’t stay in the RV with me while I put the Super Bowl on mute, grab a lounge chair, and read Walden, or Life in the Woods or Jung on Mythology. Please go, and have a wonderful time, and stay out late. Oh yes – kindly take this dip that I just whipped up. Text me in an hour, and I may or may not drop by at halftime (Vegas odds are against it).

Act normal when I do talk to someone.

You’ve convinced me to go to a DVC sales presentation. My interest in this project slightly exceeds my dread of spending two hours of polite small talk with a stranger. A DVC purchase is not the deal that it once was, but I’d still like to know more. About 90 minutes in, I decide to ask a series of questions. Do not act like I interrupted you, or walk away because you can’t bear not to lead the conversation. Just smile, and nod your head every now and then, and let’s pretend we are ordinary people.

Ask me if I’d like to make the daily plans.

Introverts can be exceptionally good at organizing time and space, and the internet means that we can do most of this electronically (perfect!). This kind of business is simply too dull or tedious for you. And besides, my efficiency and laser focus will give me a false sense of control over where I will be and who I will be with.

Don’t change who you are so long as you love animals.

We don’t want you to be like us. I mean somebody has to walk into a party first. We want to be exactly who you are, just a little bit quieter version. But even if you scratch your plate with a fork or do karaoke at 1 am at the Swan Hotel, all of this can be redeemed if you purposefully and fully connect with animals. This includes the horses at Tri-Circle-D, the giraffes at Animal Kingdom, the bald eagle on the south end of Bay Lake, the lost dog near Loop 1800, the new cat we will be getting at the Orlando Cat Café, and each and every one of the squirrels and deer that we will see and name at the campground.

Minnie Van is your new best friend.

Our anonymous driver (that only you will interact with) will pick us up and drop us off everywhere we need to go within Disney World. No screaming kids or strollers on crowded bus rides or sharing a seat with that Elsa-obsessed 35-year-old on the boat with the green flag. Best of all, when I’m ready to leave (and it’ll be earlier rather than later), I know I’ll be safely back in my RV in minutes. Like a princess.

Jesus drank wine, too.

I feel so badly that Mickey’s Backyard Barbecue has closed, as I know how much you loved the rowdy fun with a few hundred of our best friends. It would be a sin if I didn’t go with you to at least one of these big shows during our stay. Just make sure we are sitting near the cash bar. Who knows, I might even dance and let someone take our picture.