With all of the expansion of Walt Disney World, it is still the original Magic Kingdom areas that make the resort so unique. Now, I have nothing against Drinking Around the World in Epcot, except that is physically impossible for most of us over 25. Drinking Around the Monorail presents many advantages. Not only is it more achievable (and responsible), but I honestly find it more enjoyable. It also doesn’t bear the cost to get into a park, which is a kind of big deal if everyone is not an annual passholder.
this takes preparation
On our recent trip, we were determined that Fort Wilderness would be our last destination. This makes it different and more adventurous than the typical Monorail Bar Crawl. Of course, the monorail doesn’t go there, but it is quite a mystical boat ride late at night, after much of the world is asleep.
And no matter where you are staying, it simply makes geographical sense to start the bar tour with the Polynesian, moving on to the Grand Floridian and then the Contemporary.
First, you need a timetable. Moving across the stops takes longer than you might anticipate. Other considerations include eating a decent meal before starting and knowing where you will want to watch the Magic Kingdom fireworks and/or the Water Pageant. Here is our typical route, and we include only one bar per stop. Oh – and hopefully you have planned so that you can sleep in a bit on the day after.
STOP ONE: POLYNESIAN RESORT (best drinks and interaction)
We made a 6 pm dinner reservations at Kona (even though I dislike the new menu). Our designated driver delivered us there, and we were able to easily park in Polynesian guest parking with our reservation. Before heading to Kona, we checked to see what the wait at Trader Sam’s was, as that was our first drinking stop. Once we learned that it was only 45 minutes, we decided to wait to put our name on the list. We guessed that our dinner at Kona would take about one hour.
At Kona, we grieved the elimination of the Sticky Wings, but found the Seafood Curry Soup at $10 to be substantial enough for a meal. The sushi was fresh as always, but the runny, tasteless dashi bowl really just needs to go away. Once our bread (with that macadamia butter) arrived, I went down to Trader Sam’s to get our name on the list. After eating, we had just a few minutes to shop before our Trader Sam buzzer went off.
At tiny-but-wild Trader Sam’s, we had one drink each, including the Hippopoto Mai-Tai, the Shrunken Zombie Head, and the Uh Oa. These drinks were wickedly strong, and it didn’t take long for us to join in the madness, joining right along with the chanting of “two shots of rum!” and delighting in the “tiny bubbles.” Our kindly designated driver ordered the Skipper Sipper , and also got a delightful souvenir mug. All of us enjoyed at least three volcanic eruptions during our short time there.
By the time we left the Polynesian, it was about 8 pm, and the night was still young.
STOP TWO: GRAND FLORIDIAN (best music)
Wow – what a jolting contrast to the kistch of Trader Sam’s! We call the Grand Floridian the Floribama, although it bears no resemblance to the famous honky-tonk that straddles the Florida-Alabama line. Presently, there’s a pop-up bar with butler-looking bartenders in the large atrium. This temporary bar is in place while Mizner’s Lounge is undergoing an update to a Beauty and the Beast theme. We each ordered a drink here – Antica Umber, The Grand 30, and some devil water (white wine). Minutes later, we sashayed outside to partake on the beach. This began as a relaxing stop on our journey where we got all giddy watching the Electrical Water Pageant and the Magic Kingdom fireworks.
When we returned to the lobby, we were delighted to find that the world-class Grand Floridian Orchestra Society was playing. Giving in to the allure of the splendor, we sank into the atrium couches for our third (or fourth) drink of the night.
STOP THREE: THE CONTEMPORARY RESORT (best bartender and vibe)
Oh, how I adore the 70s mood vibe of the Wave Lounge. I was surprised to find that we had the most pure fun here. I’m not sure if this was due to the sultry environment, the charming bartender, or the fact that we had already exceeded the recommended daily alcohol allotment. Anyway, we had fabulous, uninhibited conversations with strangers and marveled at our impossibly gorgeous light-up drinks. Before we left, we drank a bit of water because we are so wholesome and good.
At this point, we realized that Crockett’s Tavern had closed at 10pm. Still, we were determined to finish the night at Fort Wilderness (although in retrospect, Wilderness Lodge would have been a more logical choice). We went to one of the shops at the Contemporary, and picked up a to-go beer, wine, and Kahlua drink and kept them unopened in our bags on the boat ride.
STOP four: fort wilderness Campground
As I recall, we were the only guests on the boat ride from the Contemporary to Fort Wilderness. Upon arrival around 11:30 pm, we were surprised when the captain told us that there would be no return boat. Yes, the boats were going to bed for the night – an hour or more sooner than us.
We sat on the Trail’s End porch, laughed, sang, repeated ourselves repeatedly, and took many incoherent pictures. Still, it was eerily quiet, with a deep fog descending on Bay Lake, and nary the sound of a cricket beyond our rancor. Seemingly out of nowhere, three people appeared, each with their his or her own libation. Calling themselves “real old-timers,” (I think they were from the times of Davy Crockett), they entertained us briefly with a few strange Fort-related tales I had never heard. Then the eldest among them said to us, “good luck comes to those who do not repeat all that they are told.” And as quickly as they showed up, they disappeared.
the night plight of the princesses
As the clock struck midnight, we joked of the plight of pitiful Cinderella but found ourselves in a tipsy state of a nearly paranoid sense of foreboding. It was time to leave, but how would we get back to the Polynesian to get the car? The bus just didn’t sound like the glamorous ending to our beautiful summer night. And like the boats, the Minnie Vans had shut down for the evening as well.
I booked a Lyft driver, with plans to take the bus or walk the dark mile to the Outpost. He immediately called me, and said that he was already inside Fort Wilderness (he was apparently staying there), and would pick us up at the Settlement Bus Stop. Whaaat? He turned out to be a charming, surfer-dude soul, with a passenger seat that actually massaged you (I can’t make this stuff up). After 10 minutes and a meager $9, we were back at the Polynesian. Our designated driver took us back to where we were staying, and a brief time later, we were soundly asleep.
It was a truly magical night that I will never, ever forget – and totally worth the bit of dehydration and bleariness of the next morning.
