Most of us are likely thankful that we didn’t have Lady Tremaine or Cruela de Vil as our mother or stepmother. For those of us that are mothers (or auntie-types), we’d like to hope we are more like Duchess in The Aristocats – full of everlasting patience, beauty, gifts and kindness. Of course, the reality is that even the divas and villains are not pure evil – but rather the shadow personification of their own insecurities. I was raised by a grandmother, who like me and you, loved her children more than the sun and the moon. But these quotes, from the supposed worst of Disney, are remarkably familiar.

“Life is full of tough choices, isn’t it.” ~ Ursula (the Little mermaid)

Oh the consequences. To be a good mom, we must prepare our children to go on without us someday. So we get to remind them, that if you choose x, then you won’t get y. Or if you choose not to answer my call, then you’ll lose your phone. You can get the pressed penny or the Mickey bar, but not both. I have to admit, I am not a very good Ursala in following through with my threats. But my grandmother surely was.

“wouldn’t you prefer to eat when all the work is done” ~Lady tremaine (Cinderella)

When put in the actual context of Cinderella, this quote is much harsher than it sounds. But the wisdom is there, and this is one of my favorites. Do your homework, and then you can go play. My grandmother taught me well. Even at work, I always start my day with the tasks that I least want to do (mundane reports and firing people, for example).

“Now first of all, if you don’t mind, I’ll make the rules.”~Madame Mim (the sword in the stone)

I guess this one is pretty self-explanatory, although I honestly think the best way to avoid rule-breaking is to not make too many rules until they are needed. My grandmother tended to think that rules should get passed down from one generation to the next – even those from the 19th century. My mother would never allow me to sit alone with a boy in the parlor if we weren’t married. 

“I see a strong, beautiful, confident young lady.”~ Mother gothel (tangleD)

Mother Gothel appeared to have almost no redeeming qualities, but this quote is one that we all need to give and receive. When my daughter was just exiting that 12-year-old awkward stage and had her first perceived heartbreak, we spent an entire weekend on this subject (along with a shopping and eating binge).

“It would be an insult to take you to the palace dressed in all these rags.”~ lady tremaine (cinderella)

Just replace the word “palace” with church, party, funeral, awards banquet, doctor’s office, or grocery store. My grandmother would never leave the house without her bright red lipstick.

“i don’t care whose fault it was. Just get this place cleaned up.” ~ fairy godmother (shrek)

Today is Mother’s Day. We had a total of seven teen-aged boys in the house last night. The pizza boxes, ranch dressing, raw cookie dough and cola bottles are strewn all over the bonus room. They sure as hell better be picked up, AND the beds made, by the time I finish this post.

“oh dear, what an awkward situation.” ~ maleficEnt

You know that phone call you get from another kid’s mother after he drew in permanent marker on the other kid’s new Lebrons? Or when the neighbor kid came over and “borrowed” your kid’s most-prized Bakugan permanently? Or the time the 16-year-old neighbor got into the alcohol at your house with your son and you had to call the parents? Or the time that your son says he is dating the niece of that one ex-girlfriend of your husband that you couldn’t stand?

“oh, pay no attention to her.” ~ evil stepmother (snow white)

Part of growing up is learning when to react and when to let it go. And most of the time it is the latter. However, this is a concept that is absolutely foreign to the eighth-grade daughter. Blown by every wind, the young girl takes ever real or perceived slight, particularly by her peers, as an apocalyptic event. Oh, the drama. Just ignore her, my princess.

“rule three. no disappearing.” ~ madame mim (the sword in the stone)

So, I was much too cool at the time to do the leash thingie on my kids at Disney World, but it surely would have erased at least one stressor. My grandmother always made me walk behind her in Rich’s Department Store and Colonial Foods, holding on to her coattail. Oh, and the two-year-olds who hide in the clothing racks! Mine did, and I bet yours did. 30 seconds of sheer terror, right?

“i’m a very busy woman and I haven’t got all day.” ~ ursula (the little mermaid)

Hurry, hurry, hurry. We have to go. We can’t be late. I have a meeting. I have company coming over tonight. I have a hair appointment. Get in the car before I count to five! Oh my god, where are my keys? What do you mean you left your backpack? Can we just all slow down and go camping?

“My only true love, darling.” ~ cruela de vil (101 dalmations)

Of course, it’s not the shoes or the furs (or in my case, even the cats). It is you, my precious children, that I truly love with all of my heart.

Related: Snow White and the 7 People You Meet in Fort Wilderness