A welcoming of a new DVC resort (Reflections: A Disney Lakeside Lodge) brings with it the angst of the unknown. Long-time Disney campers at Fort Wilderness wonder how it will change the walking path (temporarily closed), the sense of privacy, and affordability. Currently, rumors abound, with many of them quite inaccurate (no my dear, a parking lot will likely not back all the way up to Pioneer Hall, as the stakes are marked for buffers). With Fort Wilderness often at near capacity, we often wonder about Walt’s original vision for two campgrounds at Walt Disney World. As long as we are dreaming, I have some idealistic fantasies about what a second Disney campground could look like.
First of all, where should a second campground go? Near Animal Kingdom or Epcot? What kind of transportation should it have beyond buses? Is it possible that it go somewhere else altogether – perhaps in the North Georgia mountains? All of those work for me.
starting with what works
Putting that aside, I’ve started with the map that I originally sketched of the real Fort Wilderness, because that campground really has an incredible layout. Then, I’ve taken quite a few liberties. First of all, we need a theme, and Fort Wilderness already has dibs on the Old West. My thoughts are that we should call this Mickey’s Yesteryear Campground, incorporating some of the now-gone elements that we miss from both the campground and the parks, along with some mid-century glam. I’ve kept the general layout of the loops, with the deletion of loops 2000 and up. I’ve numbered each change on the map.
#1. VW Camper Bus Loop
With this new dream campground having no cabins (they don’t stay filled as much as the campsites), we still need some sort of easy shelter for those who prefer a ready-made option. Since we’re going retro, let’s have a loop made up solely of refurbished and up-styled 1970s VW camper buses, sleeping two or three. This loop shall have its own swimming pool as well.
#2. edible gardens
Working our way clockwise (to about 7:00 on the map), we need a garden. Not just any garden, but one with all the wondrous features and greenhouses and hydroponics of Epcot’s Listen to the Land Ride. The difference is that we’ll be able to actually eat the tomatoes, cucumbers and Mickey-shaped pumpkins. Yes, there will be a fresh fruit stand, and even some pick-your-own opportunities.
#3. the best ride ever
That little road labeled “to Horizons” takes us on a walking path, around a bend, and to a magical surprise in the woods. It’s the beloved old Epcot ride, complete with the smell of oranges. Aren’t you liking this now?
#4. Trader Jane’s Grotto
Well, the coolest campground might as well have one of the coolest bars on earth. I’d like to model it after Trader Sam’s, but let’s call it Trader Jane’s, because women can be accomplished explorers too. It will be completely underground and much larger than Trader Sam’s in the Polynesian. That way it can double as a tornado shelter for campers (I’m sooooo afraid of tornadoes and camping).
#5. Slippery Slide Falls
Unlike Fort Wilderness, this campground will have a super-fab pool with rocks and big slides, waterfalls, underwater bars and rope swings. We might as well go ahead and name it after one of the River Country areas – Slippery Slide Falls.
#6. Mr. Toad
Let’s see if we can pull back some of Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride cars, or buy them back from whoever purchased them on eBay a decade ago. If you don’t have an ancient E Ticket handy, then a swipe of your Magic Band will charge $1 to your account.
#7. scary adventures
Same concept as number 6, but this time we are bringing back Snow White’s Scary Adventure. Because nothing is more fun that getting really scared in the woods.
#8. lovebuckets
Clearly, we need Skybuckets. Not only because they were a favorite in the original Magic Kingdom, but also because we would be able to take Instagram pictures of the campground from above.
#9. going down
If you notice, the campground does have a lake. It may be an existing lake or a newly built one, but it obviously needs a 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea ride – one of the most pleasurable moments of claustrophobia I’ve ever experienced. Once again, a swipe of your magic band charges $1 to your account.
#10. Happy Trails
Mickey’s Backyard BBQ has only been gone for two months, and the grief tends to compound daily. It can go almost in the exact same spot at this new campground.
#11. Miss Cheese, Please
Do you remember the Kitchen Cabaret at Epcot? It was part of the Land. There were all these fruits and vegetables singing about nutrition, and for years my favorite song was “Betty Betty Fruit Fruit.” I only recently learned that it was “Veggie Veggie Fruit Fruit.” This venue will bring these veggie animatronics back, along with perfectly prepared wholesome foods, aligned with the now-vintage food pyramid. At night, it can double as a real cabaret show.
#12. Minnie Market
Instead of the Settlement Trading Post, we’ll have Minnie’s Market. It will look very similar to Minnie’s House that was in Mickey’s Birthday Land in 1980s Disney World. In addition to the food items currently available at the Settlement Trading post, there will be fresh meats, gourmet cheese and free food samples (just like at Publix).
#13. Marshmallow Marsh
Let’s go ahead and bring back the old Marshmallow Marsh of the old Fort Wilderness. Crank up the Conestoga Wagons, and let’s take a ride. For the movie that currently exists at the newer campfire, we could build some sort of drive-in theater for golf carts.
#14. Choo-Choo
Of course, we must bring back the steam train. This time we won’t take it through campsites, but rather through a wooded area near our fancy-pants new restaurant (#16).
#15. Discover
A new nature trail should incorporate elements of both Discovery Island and Tom Sawyer Island. Of course, it will be suitable for the Princess 5K as well.
#16. date night
Tucked into the woods will be a near-replica of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs humble abode. We will call it Doc and Dopey’s Supper Club – quite reminiscent of the heydey of going out to eat in the 1970s. With fine steaks, beef stews, good whiskey, and lively music, reservations may be hard to come by.
#17. Pool and Penny Arcade
In this area, we will duplicate the Meadows Pool area at Fort Wilderness, but replace the standard arcade there with a mini-version of the bygone Penny Arcade that once stood on Main Street in the Magic Kingdom.
#18. Aristocats & Abby Coffee Cafe
This will be our modern-day coffee shop/cat cafe, but will pay homage to one of the best Disney movies of the 70s – the Aristocats. Cats will be available to play with and for adoption. We will also include the name of Abby, the previously lost dog at Fort Wilderness, because she kind of changed the world in more ways than she will ever, ever know.
#19. Ranger Danger
There was a time when very nice looking Fort Wilderness rangers conducted their duties on horseback. At Mickey’s Yesterland Campground, they will chivalrously take ladies who have had one drink too many back to their campsites (hopefully on horseback). They will also kindly but quickly partner with the local Sheriff’s Office and other law enforcement to rid us of the occasional hoodwink who fraudulently solicits business/fundraisers in the campground.
#20. Stay Young
Kids need to play in the dirt with the animals, just like we did a few decades ago. They can wash their hands before head back over to Loop 400 (Polyester Path) or Loop 1400 (Disco Drive) to eat.
#21. swan boats
Of course, we’ll have swan boats in Nostalgia Lake. Where they will take us is wherever you dream.
