Maybe at home or at work, it’s pretty much all about you. And then you show up one day at Disney’s Fort Wilderness Campground, and figure out that you are just one in 250,000. I understand – it’s truly a lonely world in a big crowd. So, if you are in dire need of vast attention during your stay at the campground, here are some ideas that will ensure that people will look at you, tweet about you, and write about you on their blogs. The French call these faux pas, and the British reference clangers. In Spain, they are metidas de pata. And in the United States . . . well . . . we call them family.
Number One. Do your own pre-show karaoke at the Campfire Singalong with “I’VE GOT FRIENDS IN LOW PLACES.“
Simply show up (a few sheets to the wind) about 30 minutes early with your own mic and amplifier. If you are introverted, you’ll want to make sure you are prepared – so start drinking before 10am. This could be your moment.
Number Two. Invite all of your cousins who live in Florida over for Saturday afternoon fun at the Meadows pool.
Be sure to put your stuff on all of the tables in the eating area, and towels on as many pool chairs as you possibly can, even stretching one towel across two chairs for good measure. Then, let all of your precious children roam free range and get new meaning from the word “wilderness.” Afterwards, take your group of 32 back to the campsite for a cookout and kickball game in the street in the loop. As midnight approaches, turn it into an outdoor toga party.
Number Three. See how many cars and trailers you can fit on your campsite.
This is a great way to make money from your brother-in-law if you take bets on how many can fit at your site. Every car and truck counts so long as one of the tires is touching your site.
Number Four. Take a case of Natty Lights to share in your golf cart, and then ridE around and poll everyone in your loop about the wall.
Be sure to ask your neighbors if they’ve noticed how there are so many more (fill in here with group of people that aren’t you) than there were 10 years ago at Fort Wilderness. Be a real bloke and decorate your golf cart with Confederate Flags and blare Dixieland Delight (preferably the Bama version). For bonus attention, go shirtless.
Number Five. You call Fort Wilderness your “home.” Now it’s time to dress like it.
You traded to site 122 for a reason. Now that you only have to pass 5 campsites and part of one road to get to the comfort station, you no longer have to wear anything other than your boxers or nightgown when you want to take a shower or do laundry. Speaking of laundry, you can save time and money if you just put up a clothesline between two trees to dry your under garments and other delicates.
Number Six. Loop the song from It’s a Small World on your RV’s outdoor speakers.
This has been your 8-year-old daughter’s favorite ride since she was three, and it brings back such wonderful memories of your first vacation with your husband. You know, back when you were madly in love and not squawking at each other during breakfast at Trail’s End about the lost Magic Bands. This song will bring back the sunshine, and we need to share the love with everyone.
Number SEVEN. have everyone in your family take off their socks when you get on the Internal fort bus after park hopping.
After all, it’s going to be a long ride all the way to Loop 1700, and this will distract your three-year-old from screaming any more cuss words. If the socks are damp or moist, politely drape them on the seat in front of you. As a bonus, get your family to clap for the bus driver when you safely arrive at the bus stop.
Number Eight. Hawk and peddle your blog, Facebook group, and homemade Disney stuff during your visit.
Start by placing a sign that promotes your for-profit business in front of any other sign that a camper has, and then place a bill for your cute little advertisement on the camper’s door. Go a bit further, and hook a hose up to your campsite water system, and offer $1 car washes (just say it’s for charity). Then spray paint your company name on the back of each car as an extra bonus. If someone questions you about the rules against solicitation, imply that you are friends with Mrs. Iger.
Number Nine. Set up pretty melamine bowls of chopped up steak leftovers overnight for the forest friends.
Because bears are people, too.
Number Ten. Make some 1-10 scale signs and rate the outFits of the people walking by.
You can set this up at the beach end of the dock as people exit the boat. Just bring three folding chairs, two buddies, and three sets of 10 pieces of paper numbered 1-10. Yell the number as soon as you hold up the sign. Big bonus if you do this on Facebook Live.
